I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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