I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
