Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
