Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize