My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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