I cannot find my penis.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
