So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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