yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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