I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I want a musical about memes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
