I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
