You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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