If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Everything about him screamed your future.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize