I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
