i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
