i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize