He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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