My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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