I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
