Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Say something about gay babies.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
