mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
whose ass print is on the piano?
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
