if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
