You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize