Got a toothbrush?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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