We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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