just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize