You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
