Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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