So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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