So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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