Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he thought i was a dude.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
