Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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