he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
