Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
