I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
