found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
