At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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