Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
