I could make wine with my vomit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In America we eat man semen.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
