im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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