i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
