Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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