My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
