we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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