The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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