hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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