I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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