ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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