Its about making memories worth repressing
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
