and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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