i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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