is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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