Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
