I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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