I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
