i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
