Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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