What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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