Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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