are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
