Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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