guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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