My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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