dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
