Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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