What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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