I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
