maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
