it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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