you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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