I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
did i just pee glitter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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