I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
